Quartermaster Poetry
by 009
Summary: These are common or traditional verses, lullabies or poems rewritten Quartermaster style!
1. Scarlet Quartermaster

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the "poetry" I am cannibalizing for parts.

This is a goofy piece of what some people, but not others, would call poetry, about the Quartermaster, which I hope you will enjoy!

* * *

They seek him here, they seek him there

Those double Os seek him everywhere

Is he building an exploding pen, or a fire caster?

That demned, elusive, Quartermaster!


	2. Soft Quartermaster

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the original song/poem/lyrics whatever this is.

More nonsence about Q! Enjoy!

* * *

Soft cardigan

Warm cardigan

Little smart guy say

Happy Quartermaster

Sleepy Quartermaster

But where is his earl grey?


	3. Rock-A-Bye-Bond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books. Or this nursery rhyme.  
I am so sorry about this... but I hope you will enjoy this lullaby anyway! I did laugh until I cried when writing it.

* * *

Rock-A-Bye, Bond  
In the Aston  
When Q-Branch Rages  
Normally His fault  
If The Bomb Blows  
You Know He Was There  
But M Will Back him  
And That's Only Fair

The Bond-Girl is Drowsing  
Easy And Fair  
Q is a Voyour  
Bond Doesn't Care  
For Queen and Country  
The Changes Time Brings  
And Though He's a Dino  
He's Useful For Things

Hush A Bye Bond  
Up In Skyfall  
On A Soft Mattress  
It's Easy A Call  
Q-Branch Keep Watch  
Over Your Sleep  
So Hush A By Bond  
Dont Make A Peep

Rock A Bye Bond  
Do Not You Fear  
Never Mind Bond  
M She is Near  
Wee Trigger Fingers  
Eyes Open Wide  
Now Sound Asleep  
From Medical Hide


	4. Double Oh Rhyme

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the nursery rhymes I am cannibalizing for parts.

This is a goofy rhyme about the Q-branch.

* * *

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe  
Let's go hang the double O  
For breaking my equipment yet again  
Eeny, meeny, miny, then.


	5. Bond 'Round

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the nursery rhymes I am cannibalizing for parts.  
This is some rhyming sillynes.

* * *

The wheels on the Aston go round and round  
Round and round, round and round  
The wheels on the Aston go round and round  
All through the town.

The safety on the gun go "click, click, click,  
Click, click, click, click, click, click"  
The safety on the gun go "click, click, click"  
All through the night.

The bickering of Bond and Q goes on and on  
On and on, on and on  
The bickering of Bond and Q goes on and on  
A commodo ate the gun

Q on a PC goes "tap, tap, tap  
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap"  
Q on a PC goes "Tap, tap, tap"  
Down in Q-branch.


	6. Itsy Bitsy Agent

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the nursery rhymes I am cannibalizing for parts.  
This is very silly, but it made me smile. Hopefully it'll do the same to you.

* * *

The itsy-bitsy agent

Climbed up the water pipe

Down came the villains

Washed by agent out

Out came our Q

And made sure all was right

And the itsy-bitsy agent

Got a rant for losing gear


	7. It's Raining Bond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the "poetry" I am cannibalizing for parts.  
Now I am just being goofy. I'm am having a lot of fun, though. Hopefully, you are too! I personally think this is one of the funnier ones!

* * *

It's raining; it's pouring.  
The new M is snoring.  
He went to court the shot went short  
And he was the new M in the morning

It's raining; it's pouring  
The old M's not snoring  
She went to Skyfall and she had a freefall  
And at least her two boys weren't boring

It's raining; it's pouring.  
Bond's stuff all needs storing  
He wasn't quite dead and it went to his head  
But he came back home in the morning

It's raining; it's pouring  
The cellar is boring  
Q-branch never sleep as their job doesn't keep  
They will all need tea in the morning!

It's raining; it's pouring  
Bond old man is snoring  
He lost his gear but do not fear  
Q will berate him well in the morning.


	8. The Bond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the poetry I am cannibalizing for parts.  
This is actual poetry! Well, it _was_ , at any rate.

* * *

Shall I compare thee to a double O?  
Thou art more patient and more temperate:  
Rough agents do not shake the boffins of the branch,  
And double O's hath all too short a time:  
Sometime too trigger happy the agent lies,  
And often explosions shake their path,  
And every fair from fair with scars decline,  
By hurt, or villains'evil course untrimmed:  
But thy eternal grace it shall not fade,  
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,  
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,  
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,  
So long as Bond can breathe, or Q can type,  
So long lives Britain, and thus gives life to them.


	9. Tinker, Tailor, Bond and Sailor

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the "poetry" I am cannibalizing for parts.  
This was a suggestion from a friend, and, well; it just fits! I wanted to keep sailor as Bond was from the navy, but didn't think "failure" quite worked... _  
_

* * *

Tinker, Tech,  
Agent, Wreck,  
Good Man, Bad Man,  
Bought Man, Thief.

Good man, bad man,  
Bought man, thief.  
Medic, boffin,  
M's the chief!


	10. London Bridge Is Blown up By Bond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the nursery rhymes I am cannibalizing for parts.  
This is... obvious. Had to be done, really.

* * *

London Bridge is falling down,  
Falling down, falling down.  
London Bridge is falling down,  
My dear agent.

London Bridge is blown away,  
Blown away, blown away.  
London Bridge is blown away,  
My dear agent.

London Bridge in smitherines,  
Smitherines, smitherines.  
London Bridge is smitherines,  
My dear agent.

Q's nice gear will soon be lost,  
Soon be lost, soon be lost  
Q's nice gear will soon be lost,  
My dear agent.

Build devices lasting Bond,  
Lasting Bond, lasting Bond.  
Build devices lasting Bond,  
Quartermaster.

Double Os will blow things up,  
Blow things up, blow things up.  
Double Os will blow things up,  
Quartermaster.

Q's new car is in the Thames,  
In the Thames, in the Thames.  
Q's new car is in the Thames,  
He's not happy.

Double Os have short lifespans,  
Short lifespans, short lifespans.  
Double Os have short lifespans,  
My dear agent.

Q is there to watch your back,  
Watch your back, watch your back.  
Q is there to watch your back,  
My dear agent.


	11. Humpty Dumpty Bond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the nursery rhymes I am cannibalizing for parts.  
This is... sad. Sorry about that.

* * *

Bond, James Bond fell from a train  
Bond, James Bond was in great pain  
And not all Q-branch's tech and all M's men  
Could put 007's heart together again


	12. Zeentee Teentee Bond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bond movies or books, nor the nursery rhymes, traditional verses or poetry I am cannibalizing for parts.  
This marks the end of this little poetry collection and I hope you have enjoyed it; I know we have had a good time writing it!  
This is a traditional scottish rhyme, perhaps something that was sung to Bond in Skyfall by his mom, even.  
I will include the original rhyme (it cannot possibly be copyright protected these days) as it is not that well known.

A zeentee teentee  
Heathery beathery bambleery  
Over dover zan tan toosh!  
A oner a twoer a tickedy seven  
Halibuckrackit ten eleven.  
Pin pan muskee Dan.  
Toodle um toodle um 21.

* * *

A Q-teea teentee  
Heathery beathery Quatermeery  
Over agent big bang crash!  
A oner a twoer a double O seven  
There is no double ten or eleven.  
Big bad muskee man.  
Quarter um Master um (is he) 21?


End file.
